Bertie Wooster: Tory Special advisor
7 January, 2009
I was wondering who the Tory genius behind this wall was when a man dressed as a butler passed me a paper which turned out to be a copy of the following transcript:
Bertie Wooster: “What ho Jeeves”
Jeeves: “Good Afternoon, Sir.”
BW: Do you know what? I’ve had the most incredibly spiffing idea. Aunt Agatha was threatening to discontinue my allowance if I don’t marry Squiddgy Kate the Haileybury ferret chaser and as I was banging my head against the wall the idea came upon me. A wall, Jeeves, a wall!
J: Very good Sir. I’m sure a wall is the answer but may I be permitted to know the question to which the answer pertains?
BW: Why of course Jeeves. I was talking at the Anthaeum last night to Bozza Johno, Georgie O and Davey C and we were all a bit down in the dumps as Davy C’s last internet whizzy idea went a bit sausage side. You know the computers with tubes thingamajigy. And we were thinking how we can get more spiffing Tory messages down these tubes before din dins….
J: I trust the food at the Anthaeum was at its delectable best as ever, Sir.
BW: Urrr don’t interrupt Jeeves I’m mid flow, mid flow. Anyway I decided we needed more whiz bangery internet whatiz like that Iain Dale man who on all account is top notch and the light bulb switched on this very morning. A wall made of video of party supporters telling people looking down the tubes how fantabulosa the magnificent Tory pratorian guard are! I mean there hasn’t been an idea that good since Babcock Haskins decided to drill a hole in the Cambridge boat before the race last year.
J: It is indeed a supreme idea Sir but just one point. Do we actually have any supporters?
BW: Well that just shows how dash clever you are Jeeves as that very thought had occured to me to. Afterall there have been a few less people around central office recently. So before I started speaking to you I phoned Georgie O. He said he hadn’t anything on just some recession or something and he would round a few people up and email the list to my blueberry. Where is my blueberry Jeeves?
J: Your blackberry is in your left jacket pocket Sir.
BW: Oh Yes so it is and Georgie O has sent the list over. Ghosh that was fast. Bozza’s pater Stanley. Oh he is such a darling. Stephen Hammond the Wimbledon turkey dribbler, James 5 Brains Cleverly you know Bozza’s chum from Bromley Bottom. Oh Bottomley, P has joined in to. Clare Hilley has been cast in, Clare Whelan carries Fat Ken’s bags for him again at number 6 Ye gods it’s Johanna Kaschke she used to bat for the hun, then she dived to the reds at half time for oranges before joining our team. Funny girl, met her once, said her hobby was suing bloggers or something. Sounds a bit randy to me. Oh and some other people I don’t recognise but i’m sure are good sorts just like Bozza, Georgie and Davey C.
J:Very good Sir. Would you like your hot flannel now?