Cameron Direct

8 October, 2009

The Tory leader’s speech before speechwriters got their mits on it.


I want to get straight to the point.

I want to get straight to the champagne

We all know how bad things are: massive debt, social breakdown, political disenchantment. But what I want to talk about today is how good things could be.

Yippee heaven knows we’re all miserable now. Hey I can quote Morrisey just to prove i’m such a COOL CAT. Oh right focus.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no illusions. If we win this election, it is going to be tough. There will have to be cutbacks in public spending, and that will be painful. We will need to confront Britain’s culture of irresponsibility and that will be hard to take for many people. And we will have to tear down Labour’s big government bureaucracy, ripping up its time-wasting, money-draining, responsibility-sapping nonsense.

And breath 1…2…3…4…

None of this will be easy. We will be tested. I will be tested. I’m ready for that

N er ner ner ner 20 years too late. Boyakasha.

– and so I believe, are the British people.

Here I come ready or not… and i’m not.

So yes, there is a steep climb ahead. But I tell you this. The view from the summit will be worth it.

Only £5.99 per quarter to the Ramblers and I will march you up to the top of the hill and march you down again.

So I won’t promise things I cannot deliver. But I can look you in the eye

or possibly your chest. I’m only human.

and tell you that in a Conservative Britain: If you put in the effort to bring in a wage, you will be better off.

Emigrating to Hong Kong only 15% tax  don’t you know.

If you save money your whole life, you’ll be rewarded.

With a chemical cosh in your carehome – matron will fill out your ballot for me. I mean you.

If you start your own business, we’ll be right behind you.

Asking for a consultancy.

If you want to raise a family, we’ll support you.

Hell if she’s pretty we’ll…

If you’re frightened, we’ll protect you.

Nightlights for everyone peeps. Nightlights!

If you risk your safety to stop a crime, we’ll stand by you.

and watch as you’re hacked to your death. We’ve got to train DD somehow.

If you risk your life to fight for your country, we will honour you.

by closing the military hospitals like the last time we were in.

Ask me what a Conservative government stands for and the answer is this, we will reward those who take responsibility, and care for those who can’t.

Take responsibility, take anything else that aint nailed down. Bonanza.

Daycare loser!!!!!!!!!!!

So if we cut big government back. If we move society forward.

If we can cut government I can afford pre election tax cuts! Boyakasha

And if we rebuild responsibility, then we can put Britain back on her feet.I know that today there aren’t many reasons to be cheerful.

Stay on your sofas for the moment but fear not Teletubbies on next then we can dance.

But there are reasons to believe. Yes it will be a steep climb. But the view from the summit will be worth it. Let me tell you what I can see.

Binoculars Boris now!

I see a country where more children grow up with security and love because family life comes first.

I just want to opt out of the social chapter because the French smell not because workers should be flogged though they should be.

I see a country where you choose the most important things in life — the school your child goes to and the healthcare you get.

Eton and Private if you’ve got any sense … sorry I mean cash.

I see a country where communities govern themselves — organising local services, independent of Whitehall, a great handing back of power to people.

Because i’m stuffed if I know what to do with it.

I see a country with entrepreneurs everywhere, bringing their ideas to life — and life to our great towns and cities.

Yes it’s true I want to privatise Milton Keynes. Roundabout anyone?

I see a country where it’s not just about the quantity of money, but the quality of life — where we lead the world in saving our planet.

I got a discount on the foam Superman outfit. Spandex ummmmmmmmmmmmm boyakasha!

I see a country where you’re not so afraid to walk home alone, where you’re safe in the knowledge that right and wrong is restored to law and order.

Frank Bruno is going to be my bodyguard, my bodyguard, my body guard

I see a country where the poorest children go to the best schools not the worst, where birth is never a barrier.

Becuase it’s never been for me or ma blood her Maj. Iz cool, tres cool =:-)

No, we will not make it if we pull in different directions, follow our own interests, take care of only ourselves.

£100 Boris I can quote from the Joy of Sex as well. Boyakasha!

But if we pull together, come together, work together — we will get through this together.

Double Boyakasha.

And when we look back we will say not that the government made it happen … not that the minister made it happen … but the businesswoman made it happen … the police officer made it happen … the father made it happen …the teacher made it happen.

Basically you won’t notice i’m here. I’ll just turn out the light.

You made it happen.

Hello … is there anybody here?


Dear Sir.

We had our encounter on Bedford Avenue this afternoon, just south of Division. I was the petite brunette in a white sundress, riding a red road bike in the rain; you were the Hasidic gentleman (and I use the term loosely) in a blue SUV who came up on my back wheel, honking, and attempted to run me out of the bike lane before swerving directly in front of me and pulling up to the curb ahead.

You refused to roll down your window and talk to me after this incident, leaving me to shout, “That’s against the law” at the rain-streaked glass and then continue home. And while it *is* against the law — both the laws that govern New York City drivers, and also those that govern general human decency — what I really wanted to say to you was simultaneously less accusatory and more important. This is it.

I know that the bike lanes aren’t great. You may not believe it, but cyclists don’t like riding next to you anymore than you like sharing the road with us. Given the choice between inhaling your exhaust and pedaling blithely down a forested greenway, I’d always take the latter.

I also know that presence of cyclists on busy streets can make driving in the city even more nerve-wracking than usual, and that some of us antagonize the shit out of drivers by disobeying traffic laws, failing to signal, and generally acting like we own the road (I am not one of these, but that is beside the point). And I completely understand if, at this point, you start hyperventilating at the mere sight of a bike with which you have to share the road. I empathize; I have a car, too. It sucks. I know.

Nevertheless, we can’t all live in Amsterdam, and the frustrations of sharing the road with me do not change the facts: You are in a car, and I am not. You are protected from collisions by airbags, fenders, and a steel cage; I’m not. You are piloting a one-ton pile of steel; I am piloting something that weighs as much as a dog. (Not even a big dog — we’re talking Welsh Corgi, here.)

And if your frustrations at sharing the road get the better of you, and you want to get in a fight with me, sir, there is no doubt whatsoever that you will win.

You’ll win… and, in all likelihood, I’ll be dead.

This is what I wanted to say to you: You may not like cyclists, and that’s fine. But you have a responsibility to the human race, and I don’t cease to exist the second I step off my bike. I am someone’s wife. I am someone’s sister. I am someone’s daughter.

And if you have any of those things — a spouse, a sibling, a child — do me this favor.

Picture them.

Imagine yourself on your way to meet your wife for lunch; imagine yourself waiting for your daughter to come home from school.

Now, imagine getting a phone call, hearing the voice on the other end telling you that that person — the person you love — is dead, because some asshole in an Audi thought her life was less important than waiting another five seconds to park his car.

This has been a public service announcement from the U.S. Department of Please Don’t Kill Other Human Beings.

From Craigslist

Poor Chairman Pickles it would be enough to give him heart trouble. First he outlines his conference master plan; the Conservative Party of Thatcher, Heath, Lord Home, Eden and Macmillan and Churchill is going to do humble. Yes that’s right humble.

So the edict has gone out No champagne for Tory conference

But someone should have told the party leader

The Daily Mirror has the money shot

This made my think that what is put out for public consumption by Team Tory is not what goes on behind closed doors. Cast your mind back to Cameron’s holiday when he was pictured with the bucket and spade in good old blighty before as Rupa notes he went on his “real holiday” abroad aboard a lavish £21k a week yacht.

Or the PR triumph of Samantha Cameron’s £36 shoes. Lets face it the percentage of women in the UK who’ve spent more than£36 pounds on a pair of shoes at some point in their lives must be approaching 100% and Mrs Cameron I would put good money on the fact that she has a pair worth £37 or more tucked away somewhere. The genius is getting the fact that she has a pair of cheap shoes as the big fact in the media. Still even the Mail could work out they are being spun PR bullshit and decided to exact their revenge.

Still the PR genius award for this Tory conference shouldn’t go to the Camerons but instead to George Osborne the shadow chancellor for his speech which is setting the terms of debate about the economy.Unfortunately his is completely wrong. Not a little bit wrong but WRONG to such a degree he is playing fast and loose with the British economy. Why?

Put simply he risks a double dip recession. This is where we return to some growth but Tory public spending cuts destroy demand and confidence in the economy which then goes into recession for a second time. But I can hear the tory readers of this blog scream “What about public debt!” Indeed it is important but immediate public spending cuts from day one of a tory government aren’t the best way to solve the problem. This is because the deficit isn’t just caused by to much expenditure by government but also has to do with the fall in tax recipts not just from the city but also the wider economy.

Consequently we can expose Osborne’s PR but unfortunately not economic savvy. While he dominates the headlines about the debt he misses entirely the need for a strategy for growth in the UK economy. He also makes his solution sound much better than it will turn out to be. He outlined about £7bn of cuts but the structural deficit is £90-140bn depending on how you define it and then has to gall to say his is the honest one.

Clearly at some stage there will have to be cuts in public expenditure but we should use public spending to support demand in the economy for another say 18 months – 2 years help the economy grow and use increased tax recipts to soften the blow to public services and perhaps and I know this is modern political herasay: increase some taxes and or increase measures to target tax evasion/avoidence by the superrich.

Isn’t that a better solution than a pay freeze for graduate teachers (becuase the less we pay them the better the’re just educating the next generation or not as the case may be) to pay for a tax cut for dead millionaires?

Just a thought like.

Right about the right

6 October, 2009

From Brivati-Dale list of the 100 most powerful people on the right:

Osborne will be a very powerful number two

Brilliant analysis guys. Spot on.

Cameron’s pension pickle

6 October, 2009

Evan Davies: Right now we just want to be clear on some of the details because as you will know women’s state pension age is not going to be 65 in 2016, it’s going to be 63 in 2016, it gradually rises thereafter. So you’re not I assume planning to take women straight from 63 to 66 in 7 years time?

David Cameron: No that’s not what we’re proposing, what we’re proposing is this independent person to head a review to look at not just is 2016 the right year, that would be the earliest we could rise it, but also how you sync together the women’s state pension age and the man’s state pension age into the future so that’s the reason. This is a big announcement, it’s an announcement for the future, it’s important to get it right, I’d like to build all party support for it if that’s possible and I think this is exactly the sort of issue that this independent review should look at.

ED: I’m sorry, I had understood last night this was a proposal but actually it’s a review that you’re planning?

DC: We’re saying that we believe, the Conservative party believes that we should instead of this happening at 2026 it should happen at the earliest at 2016 but sometime in that decade, earliest 2016, but that’s what we’d, like to see. We’ll be asking an independent review to look at the issues around that and to make proposals but it’s, yes, we believe it needs to happen.

ED: Well, but you briefed, that it was going to save £13 billion a year, I mean how can you put a figure on it if you don’t know what the proposal is yet?

DC: Well what we know is that every, every 18 months of a different age raises £20 billion so one year raises £13 billion so it is £13 billion from the year in which you do it, it’s an important saving…

ED: But that would include women at 66 would it or, would that be from 64?

DC: That figure I believe actually applies to just raising the state pension age for men from 65 to 66 but as I say…

ED: So it would be more if you included woman rising from 63 to 64?

DC: One of the reasons for looking at this issue through a review is there are complexities but I think the big step to take is the step we’re taking today which is to say the previous agreement we all had that 2026 was the right year, it is not ambitious enough, we need to go further.

Via Tom Watson

If the General Election reproduces the opinion polls and that is a big if we are going to be landed with a Tory government but the last few days have shown what an almighty cow pat strewn quagmire it may turn out to be.

  • Raising the pension age but how does that effect womens retirement age? Chaps …. chaps, chaps come back
  • Shrinking the state pension entitlement wont make much of a difference to those with a healthy private pension  pot and a long life expectancy but poor manual workers reliant on the state pension who’ve flogged their guts out before they drop dead in their late sixties/early seventies have a lot to be cheesed off about.
  • Saving money by getting people off incapacity benefit and into jobs may well be a worthy aim. Indeed the government has been trying it for years. At its best it helps people have more fulfilling lives and helps the taxpayer but most people on incapacity are on it because they are unable to work and you can only take the  process so far before you’re just chucking ill people from incapacity onto the cheaper jobseekers allowance. But the Daily Mail readers will love it so expect electoral expediency to take precedent over “compassionate conservatism”

Left foot forward has a top post on the 17% Tory pension cut

Back to reality

5 October, 2009

Well well well it’s been a while.

Ok it has been a while when blogging has been lighter than an anorexic snowflake but hey this is new meedja dharling. Blogs are born, blogs die and some are even resurrected.

Anyway what has sparked this return?


Mine? Well possibly, but I was thinking more about the honourable member of parliament for Mid Bedfordshire one Nadine Dorries. Some people on the left don’t like Nadine. Really I can’t think why? If you were a Democrat in the states wouldn’t you want to keep the gift that keeps on giving Sarah Palin? Still Palin has got something. Her new ghostwritten book is at the top of the best seller charts replacing even works written by actual authors. It’s called Going Rogue perhaps Nadine would like to try her hand at her own work of literature possibly she should call it Going Blonde judging by her latest blog post. She claims

Tim Montgomerie, Iain Dale and the legendary Guido Fawkes lead the field in news blogging. Each can boast equal daily readership comparable to some of the widest read paid for papers.

Perhaps she would like to check the figures

National newspaper circulation, August 2009 (source ABC)

Daily popular and mid market titles

Daily Mirror: 1,324,883, down 9 per cent

Daily Record: 347,302, down 11 per cent

Daily Star: 886,814, up 18 per cent

The Sun: 3,128,501, down 1 per cent

Daily Express: 730,234, down 2.5 per cent

Daily Mail: 2,171,686, down 3.9 per cent

Then check Guido’s latest figures:

1,526,279 page views from 882,794 visits from 206,965 visitors last month.

To which, via the feed, is to be added another 721,280 views from 63,856 visits by 7,365 subscribers

Or Iain Dale’s July set which is his latest statporn “There were 706,000 page views, off 516,296 unique visitors, and 98,879 absolute unique visitors.”

Now if I was the editor of the Speccie I would be worried by those figures but the editors of “the widest read paid for papers” not so much. They’ve got to have somewhere to nick their stories afterall.

Such facility with numbers would surely mean a promotion to the shadow treasury team for our Nadine. George needs a nanny to give a hand with Maths homework. Stardom for the Bedfordshire one surely beckons!

And now for something not entirely different

Personally I think it was fair to ask Gordon Brown about the use of anti depressants. If you were Gordon Brown with the poll ratings he’s got wouldn’t you want some happy pills? And what an excellent way to counter the stupid stigma about the use of drugs to treat a mental illness when treating a phyisical illness would illicit no such response. As we are in the question asking frame of mind and what’s more we have a right to know what David Cameron has been putting up his nose. “20 years ago” yadda yadda “politicians right to a private life” yadda yadda just doesn’t cut it. That’s not to judge. It wouldn’t make a hapenny’s difference to me what any of the party leaders had been putting up their noses twenty years ago but shouldn’t they at all times level with the British people that they hope to lead. We are perfectly capable of making rational decisions about such things. Didn’t Obama make an admission of misuse?

You hope the vetting of  the commander of the Trident submarine would include questions about the use of drugs. We don’t want some nutter with billions worth of UK government property and a sub load of nukes ranging across the oceans of the world trying to find their next fix. As for the man who may in the future have his finger on the button or at least access to the launch codes can we not have the same reassurance. What we can’t ask that question? Do we have a free media or a Cameroonian arse smoochers convention? Get to it Marr!